Friday, November 30, 2007
why
Just for me, it rained a little harder tonight.Not because I have my own world but because tears started to swell up my eyes.
I went to school fair with my friends wishing that I could celebrate my two most fulfilling and happy days in school. Inspite of the rain that was pouring hard, we still managed to eat, meet a few people and roam around the school grounds that we missed so much. There was that time that I was waiting in our centro while eating my pizza and as if to warn me, I saw his sister. I froze for a while but I just thought to myself that God knows better about what I am afraid of. We want back to the gymnasium to look for my cousin's brother and just before we left, I looked backwards.
I saw him with his girl friend and they were even holding hands.
I know, I know it sounds just so stupid to feel this way but what can I do, I just felt it right there and then. It seemed that I saw the nightmare of my life, the darkest part of my broken past. We even said our hi's and hello's but as that happened, I felt a pinch in my heart.
I know that I don't have feelings for him anymore but it's just that, he is such a big reminder of sadness for me. He is like a souvenir of pain that everytime I see him, he reminds me of how sad, stupid and desperate I was before. He is like a living retrieval card that brings back all the buried sadness that I had. And I was not ready for it.
I may not believe that first love never dies, but I fully agree that the first cut still is the deepest. :(
2:29 AM
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
MY FIRST THOMASIAN EQ EXPERIENCE
OOOPPSS!!!..wag nyo isiping eq as in ung diaper yan na may baduy na commercial!!ang aking tinutukoy ay ang unang karanasan ko sa UST na makaramdam ng bonggang bonggang lindol!!!ahaha!!
psych subject namin nun, mga bandang 12:30 ng tanghali at nagdidiscuss lang si sir nang bigyan may nagturo na gumagalaw dw ung cross sa ibabaw ng whiteboard!hanggang sa lahat na kami nagrereact dahil ramdam namin na gumagalaw na ung chairs namin...tpos maya maya,inannounce na na ivacate na namin ang buong building.
Pagbaba namin, hala,nagkawalaan na kami.ahaha.kami nila ger at nachi,celst at dha ang nagkakitaan.Nakakatawa kasi may nagbebenta pa ng tinapay at inumin.Para bang drink and bread of life na un dhel prang magugunaw na ang mundo.ahahah!Parang gusto nilang sabihin na"Ito na lang po ang bubuhay sa inyo,bilhin nyo na po lahat pra na rin sa pamilya nyo!"eheheehhe.
Masaya din pala pag may earthquake,makikita mo lahat ng crushes mo...*kindat kindat*
Ayun,nagpunta kme sa quadri park tpos nagkakitaan na kme ng repapips namin.ahaha!nagkunyari pa nga kmeng mga jewel sisters na nag-akapan sa unang pagkikita!ahahaha!
Tapos nagpicture-picture pa kme ng 1 2 3....EARTHQUAKE!o di kaya..1 2 3...LINDOL!ahaha!with matching extension of arms na kunyari e lumilindol pa.ahahah!after nun..UWIAN NA!
swerte nung mga papasok pa lang nun..kse dismissed sila kagad.
Gagawa din kami ng artik tungkol dun..ahaha.
Marahil baliwala sa amin ung earthquake pero sana,sa ibang panig ng bansa, wala namang naaksidente o napaano man.
3:07 PM
Monday, November 26, 2007
Dear Dad
I love you.
and I really hope this would be forever.
You just don't know how hard it is to hold on to this truth,this faith I have on you.
You're killing me so much that I just I wish I am dead instead of feeling and knowing all of these painful words and issues that are stabbing me everyday.
Do my tears still really matter to you?'Coz you see them and you don't even bother to wipe them away.
or worse...do I still matter?
How I wish you know how much you've damaged me.
That little girl you've loved and cuddled is gone.
Now all I am is a person full of hatred and pain,and these feelings are just growing everyday.
Only you could take it all away.
But I think you'd never do.
You'd never be on time.
Because it seems that you don't care anymore.
You just don't care.
I am dying inside...and you're just there.
You are just there.
2:39 AM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
happy happy joy joy!
This week has been my happiest so far!Although I am headbanging most of the days in class because of extreme sleepiness, I found a lot of reasons to smile though I get to sleep very late everyday.
I met up with annie and tin2 last Tuesday in ust. We just stayed in Hotshots while talking and just catching up with our latest stories. We also walked around UST and went to our alma mater just for fun.We didn't stay that long because I know that we're going to meet again the next day.
And yes, we really met the next day!ahaha!we just really missed each other a lot. We watched one more chance and we didn't get to cry because annie's guy best friend was with us!boo!!ahaha!but in fairness to him, we felt like he was just one of our great friends!ahahah!we kept on telling him that he was crying while we were watching the movie but the truth is, he just had his colds that day.ahaha!
We ate a lot and we jus twent to ust and then back home.Oh!I forgot to mention that i saw kuya eddrex before we went to the mall!woohoo!!<3
On Thursday, thank God, we had pe!wuhoO!!Though my feet are aching,I had so much fun!!I want to be good at it!I wish I really could!!!I want to kick some balls!I mean, soccer balls!ahaha!after pe, we ate at mcdo and stayed there for 2 hours just laughing and talking about "issues"!ahahah!we left at about 7:30 pm so I got home by about 8 pm already. I went online and then..just when I thought that I would just be doing the same things everyday, I had the best 27 minutes of the night!
Today, Sir ian caught me sleeping in his class and he was looking at me with that goofy smile on his face!It's so embarassing!!Nachi and I even saw Mr. Altez along the corridor while Madam Brooch was not yet around, and we felt like he knows very well that we like him!We kept on peeking and we were always caught in the act!I felt like a red tomato the whole day!wahahah!
I hope this happy feeling would linger on for a very long time.lalalalala!
11:53 PM
worst tattoo.
If i would ever be ask who's the only person that i am scared to see again, it would still be him. Most of my friends know him. I know, he is also a friend but I don't know, the last time I saw him was on my 18th bday and I hoped that that would be the last time I would see him. That night, I held him by the hand, brought him to the dance floor and bid him goodbye. And at that very moment, I close that chapter of my life with him. Months after, there were moments when I almost had the cruel chance to see him again but it was as if, God was listening to my plead so when I had to go to that familiar place where he was usually seen by my friends, I would luckily be late or I would be too lazy to even go.
I am afraid to see him again not because I still love him or the feelings might just go back , but because I am happy now and I don't want to be reminded how sad I was back then. I don't want the pain of the past to drag me down, because if I will be able to see him, I'm sure that's going to happen. Though without that possibility, I know what he was would always be with me. He's that fragment of memory that I could never erase.
If time would come and fate thinks that I am already ready for the challenge, I may still cry but I won't mind, because I know that those tears, just like him, taught me to strong and love myself a little more.
12:15 AM
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
he said....
kaninang umga..mga past 5 am....nakahiga lang ako sa sofa..
tpos maya maya ,narinig ko na ung boses ni bo sanchez sa radyo
isang syang inspirational speaker na ubod ng galing
he was telling a story about a daughter who abandoned her mother because she was no longer useful to her.matanda na kse ung mommy nya e.di na sya binubuhay.kaya inabandona nya.alam kong bihira siguro mangyari yan pero totoong nangyayari yan.
then brother bo shared something about his own experience.dumating ung time na naaksidente ung dad nya.di na halos nakakagalaw at nakakarinig pero anong ginawa ng nanay nya sa tatay nya?inalagaan sya hanggang sa huli at puno ng pagmamahal.that's what true love can do.
e tayo kaya?
pano pag one day, tanungin tayo ni God" Mamahalin mo pa kaya kaya ako kahit wala akong nagagawa para sayo?wala akong naibibigay sayo?wala akong naitutulong sayo?"
ikaw,anong magiging sagot mo?
sa narinig ko,naiyak ako.
naisip ko na lang..oo nga no?minsan naiisip natin..
nasan si God nung hirap na hirap tayo?
nasan si God nung namatayan tayo? nung may nawala satin?
pero kung iisipin natin..
akala man natin,wala siyang ginagawa satin,pero He works in mysterious ways.
pano?THROUGH HIS PRESENCE.
at pano mo mararamdaman un?
through the people around you. sa mga taong nandyan nung malungkot ka man o masaya.
siguro di ko masasagot ung tanong kanina ng buong pagtitiwala.. i know in time i will.
pag buong buo na ako sa tabi Niya.
9:33 PM
Sunday, November 18, 2007
whew.
Hearing his laughter just makes all the difference in this world for me.
Seeing his smile is like viewing paradise up close.
And loving him?is like the best feeling in the world.
:D
7:01 AM
HURRAY FOR KUYA!!!
woohhhoo!!!my brother and his band had their first ever gig at Metro Bar together with Ruffa Mae and Pooh!
We arrived there a bit early because my brother told me that they would be the first to perform. My Mama and Papa were also so excited and nervous at the same time, just like me, for kuya!We saw him before the show and omg,he looked like a girl because of the makeup on his face!
After almost 2 hours of jokes and songs coming from the regular comedians in the bar, my brother came out to the stage and my heart just stopped and i couldn't stop cheering for him because I just can't believe that he was up there, fulfilling his dream and taking the first step towards his goals!
They sang "Because of You" and "SO Sick" by Ne-Yo and I was just there sitting, as if I am his his biggest fan, taking videos and pics of his performance!woohoo!!he did so great!
Well, I must admit, I really am his biggest fan!
I am just so proud of him.
After the performances of Pooh and Ruffa, he approached us, telling us that they have alittle celebration after the show, I just hugged him and told him how great he was on stage.
I AM REALLY SO PROUD OF MY BRO.
I hope he makes it. :D
5:13 AM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
...
don't treat me like i am insensitive
don't act as if you think i'm numb
i am just human
i may always look happy
but by what you're doing, i am slowly broken into smaller pieces everyday
you took my heart and as i can see, it's as if you're bringing it back
Returning it just like some old toy you have unintentionally destroyed
It hurts to see you walk away from me everyday
I really mean it
But I can't just break down and cry again
I have changed
I am not that crybaby you first knew
But with you
And everything that you are doing now
You're just making want to cry again until I can't stop
You are really breaking my heart
With my whole heart, I mean every word that I write here.
But still I hope you never get to read this.
Because you might just avoid me forever.
And I can't just take that.
I just can't
I may not get to hold on any longer.
I am fading.You are fading...away.
7:42 PM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
trying to be happy..
for my brother's bday, but it's just to hard to pretend because frankly, this is one of the worst days of my life.
we wento to school but only one of our professors came
there aren't many choices for spike shoes
i can't find the book that we need for journ
he's fading away
my other brother went out on the night of my other brother's bday..it's too painful that i cried
how can this get much worse? how i wish this day was just a nightmare.
but these things really happened.and it hurts.i wanna get out of here.
2:41 AM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
thoughts.
i was chatting with my dear friend a while ago. she was having some problems with her lovie dubdub.
and she was telling me that a relationship, especially a serious one is not fun at times. down times come and it's hard to bear the burden and pain 'coz someone you love is hurting you.
but we both realized, these times really come and no relationship is perfect 'coz pain is just part of it really and you just have to accept it.
we may have planned out different versions of fairytales that we want to have in life but really, no matter how imperfect reality is, it is far better than any story in a book.
why?
because it is your story. and it was the fairytale that was made for you.
so to you, who's reading this, if ever time comes that encounter any problems of the heart, always remember:
even show white and all the other princesses had dilemmas before they had their happy ending right? :P
1:02 AM
why
Breaking me, is it your favorite hobby?
Please stop it ,because you are killing me
You make me whole and then you tear me apart
Worse it by what you're doing, you are breaking my heart
If you are happy by hurting me
Then by all means, you can do it for free
But if in time you find out out that you still love me
Don't you ever come back
For the day you turned your back on me
Was the same day I cried and set you..free.
Just a random poem for some random feelings.ahaha.sawa na akong magsulat tungkol sken..:D
12:21 AM
Monday, November 12, 2007
this day.
on my way home, the sky was unbelievably wonderful,it looked so perfect that it ended my afternoon with such happiness.(waw,drama.ehem ehem.)
this day was just one happy happy joy joy day.
i may not have slept that long but i got up early, and i was able to go out on time. i listened to happy songs while i walked slowly and i just took my time to feel the morning breeze.whew.
i saw manong idol's fx and i immediately sat in front..and noticed that a guy was sitting right next to me.i can't look at him 'coz i'm just too shy so all i could remember was the smell of his perfume..:D and i took a glance at him before i went off...he is cute.:D
i got in ust,we laughed and chatted, we ate nachi's delicious gummy bears!yum yum!
sir sagut came in and as usual, i still felt sleepy.
then after him.sir mabahague went in so fast, he taught so well and the next thing i know,he's out of the classroom!prang ung buhay nya,nakapabase sa 5 minutes lang lage!
AND THEN,SIR IAN CAME TO CLASS.the whole period that he was there, talking and moving and selling books(haha!) i can't stop smiling and laughing 'coz he was just soooo hilarious!i don't have a crush on him!but we missed him just because he's like the the wisest clown we've known..ahahahaha
he just loves telling anything that he wants to tell us..he's like a prof slash dude slash big brother!ahahaha.too bad we only had only hour to spend with him.
in rc, we just met in groups and our prof didn't even pay attention to our report.hmmphh..
after class, we headed to the tomweb office and we were oriented. kuya alandylan was there and we just saw....his.....face???ahahahaha..i can't spill it out here for he might be searching all over the internet for stories about him.if you want to know,just ask me personally..:))
so then, che,candz,nachi,sam,joyce,gerger and i ate in Sizzling. i was really planning to buy the gift for my bro's bday today but i think he would notice it.
so i just went home, saw that incredible sky( i really can't forget how beautiful it was!) and slept.
the afternoon was great and evening was like hell.
we were told that we might not have classes tomorrow but now, everyone is not sure if ever we even have classes or not.
how i wish, my day just ended with that sky just staring back at me.
Labels: mixed emotions
10:11 PM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Apple likes to..
galing kay mami Celest to..
just typein Google "your name likes to.." ex. "Anne likes to" tpos post nyo sa blog nyo sa blog nyo ung top ten results.eto ung akin.nakakaloka.
Anne likes to go to the movies, cross-stitch, and spend time with her family and friends
Anne likes to paint and she loves the animals so this is a great job for her
Anne likes to be with family
Anne likes to hike, go canoeing, and other outdoor activities
Anne likes to put in references to her favorite games
Anne likes to ensure that everyone is happy with their accommodation
Anne likes to dress up and play hospitals
Anne likes to read funny books like A Confederacy of Dunces
Anne likes to Feel Her Boyfriend Close
Anne likes to describe it as "motherhood and apple pie for our planet earth
ahahaha..in fairness..may mga tama..ehehe
2:11 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
wish
may mga oras
na kakadating ko lang sa room namin
umagang umaga,konti pa ang tao
at inaantok ako
susubukan kong pumikit
at biglang kong naiisip ang hayskul
tpos naiimagine ko sila sa room
hay,sobrang nakakamiss.
kung pwde lang pagsamahin ang college friends at hayskul friends..
ansaya nun!ahahaha..sana magawa ko sa bday ko.. *rub ng chin*
2:16 AM
i don't know what to do...
A Dream Come True
It took you so much courage,
To finally tell me,
Those feelings you keep hidden,
Securely in that heart of yours,
I understand,
How your heart was once shattered,
Into more than a million pieces,
The pain was so unbearable,
You swear you wouldn't go through them ever again,
Thank you,
For choosing me,
For taking that huge risk all over again,
For giving me a little chance,
To let my love prove itself,
I'm on top of the world tonight,
Knowing you finally realize,
That my love has always been true,
That time has shown you,
I didn't say 'I love you' just for fun,
I didn't kiss you because I wanted you to kiss me back,
I didn't hold your hand because they're warm,
I do everything that I did,
Because I've chosen to be with you,
And I was also risking my heart to be broken,
Exactly the way yours did,
It has been a difficult journey for us,
And the distance makes it twice as hard,
But I didn't want to give up,
I never wanted to,
Not even for a single minute,
Because my heart kept telling me,
To be strong and not to hold back,
It keeps cheering me to hang on,
To love you a little more everyday,
Because the day will come,
On one very fine day,
You will speak the lines,
That I wanted to hear all this while,
That you are seeing it with your own eyes and heart,
Fairytales are not only myths,
They can turn real,
If only we want them to,
Thank you,
For turning this breezy cold night,
Into the fuzzy warm night I've been waiting for,
Each and every words you spoke tonight,
I've waited forever to hear those lines,
On this night,
My dream comes true,
And you're the reason behind it.
-someone sent me this poem and i just didn't know what to say..i just found it very sweet.very sweet indeed. :X nakakakilig.
2:08 AM
Thursday, November 8, 2007
lazy sleepy girL!
o
di bah,
mukha pa
akong excited
sa title
ko..well
hindi..
e kasi naman,ang tamad tamad ko tlga..
tpos nasa harap ako pero nakakatulog pa rin ako.huhuh
help me please,anyone?i need my strength back!please...
anyway,we had our pe orientation today and i am a bit nervous 'coz everyone in my pe class looks tough so a small girl like me...
i'm very sleepy but i still can't get away from this pc...this is soo...hard..
:(( i want to sleep na..huhuhuh.
10:46 PM
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
KILIG!
my mami-slash-classmate sent me songs this afternoon.
at kahit la akong lablayp...kinikilig ako!!!wahahahaha...
huwalalang..
5:52 PM
things that bothered me today.
1.the great red spot kaninang hapon..nagising ako..tpos nung nasa cr ako.nakita ko..may isang malaking pulang marka sa ibabaw ng tuhod ko!!!!akala ko kung ano..kulang na lang magsisigaw ako sa buong bahay...tpos maya mayal..tadah!!nawala na..ehehe..*hingang malalim
2.the emem text tinext ako ni mm ngaun ngaun lang..tpos inaaya nya ako sa sm sa sunday..pero ewan ko ba..pra saken..it's not so mm..pati ung way na magtext sya..waaahh..ewan ko ba..sbe nya sya si emem pero fil ko hindi siya si mm!!!waaahH!!
3.it's 12:09 am... ..may pasok ako bukas at di pa ako naliligo!!!!!!!syet!!!!!!!!!!o di bah?mabait akong bata.7 am ang pasok ko..gudluck na lang sken..omg.
ayun un lang..natuwa ka ba?tag na!ahahaha
12:55 AM
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
daplis
pakiramdam ko..
nsa magkaibang panahon na tayo..
di na tayo..nag-aabot
ang lungkot naman nito..
6:34 PM
trivia!
may amazing lang sken na sinabi si mark..
alam nyo ba kung ano talagang ibig sabihin ng cono?
well,kung alam ng madla e ang ibig sabihin nito ay sosyal..
ang tunay na ibig sabihin nito ay vagina.
kaya kung mga nakaraang taon e sinasabi mong cono ka...ang saya saya mo.ahahah!
o di ba ang galing ni super mark?ahahahaha...huwalalang..:D
2:26 AM
Monday, November 5, 2007
napatinding insomnia.
it's 6:23 am..
and i am still very much awake.
halos araw2 na lang na ganito, tulog ako ng umaga, gising ako ng hapon..
para akong call center agent.
sakit na ng ulo ko.pero di pa rin ako nakatulong..ano gagawin ko???wahh...
Labels: owmaygawd
7:15 AM
OLA Reunion
kaninang hapon hanggang mga 7, sa di ko inaakalang pangyayari eh natuloy ang isang reunion.
GRADE 6 class reunion?o di bah?
san ka pa?ehehe.
we were around 16 people present..dapat nga nandun si madam asejo eh..ehehe..
madaming nagbago, umingay din kme.mahina na rin kme kumain.
pero ung asaran ganun pa rin,lumala pa nga eh.tsk.
kumain kme,nagvideoke,nagdaldalan,kumustahan...at naginuman.
sayang di ako nakasama sa inuman.ahaha.joke.
well,isa lang masasabi ko..buti na lang,tinuloy ko ung pagpunta.nakakatuwa kseng alalahanin ang pagkabata..D
Labels: olala
5:25 AM
begin.
i want to open a new chapter of my life kaya eto,gumawa ako ng bagong blog.and now,i can post everyday.ehehe.i love it!
4:18 AM
