Friday, November 30, 2007
why
Just for me, it rained a little harder tonight.Not because I have my own world but because tears started to swell up my eyes.
I went to school fair with my friends wishing that I could celebrate my two most fulfilling and happy days in school. Inspite of the rain that was pouring hard, we still managed to eat, meet a few people and roam around the school grounds that we missed so much. There was that time that I was waiting in our centro while eating my pizza and as if to warn me, I saw his sister. I froze for a while but I just thought to myself that God knows better about what I am afraid of. We want back to the gymnasium to look for my cousin's brother and just before we left, I looked backwards.
I saw him with his girl friend and they were even holding hands.
I know, I know it sounds just so stupid to feel this way but what can I do, I just felt it right there and then. It seemed that I saw the nightmare of my life, the darkest part of my broken past. We even said our hi's and hello's but as that happened, I felt a pinch in my heart.
I know that I don't have feelings for him anymore but it's just that, he is such a big reminder of sadness for me. He is like a souvenir of pain that everytime I see him, he reminds me of how sad, stupid and desperate I was before. He is like a living retrieval card that brings back all the buried sadness that I had. And I was not ready for it.
I may not believe that first love never dies, but I fully agree that the first cut still is the deepest. :(
2:29 AM
